She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
