Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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