you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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