I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
