I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
