we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
