Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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