just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize