Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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