I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
