I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
