So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
