Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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