hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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