Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
