Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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