as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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