I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
