I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
