she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
