I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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