Your dad touched me again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
