I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
