how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
