my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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