I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
