i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
