I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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