Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The power of my boobs compel you
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
