Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
