Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
