at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
