having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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