dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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