There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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