What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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