GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
