Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
