I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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