Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
