I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
