I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
