so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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