how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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