so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
