I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
