omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
