toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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