...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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