my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
