everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
