is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she pinky promised me she was 18
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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