In the future we'll all be gay
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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