she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
