My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
