We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone says I win the strip club
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
