i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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