Whod you bang
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
