Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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