halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
