my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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