On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
