$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
