She's JV to your varsity
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
