dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Houston, we have a blender
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
