Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
