too bad you live with your parents still
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
