so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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