I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
