I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I color on your dick again?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
