If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My bed smells like the plague
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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