dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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