Screwed.edu
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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