The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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